It’s A Dumb Blonde World

By Ellen Snortland, PASADENA WEEKLY

March 30, 2022

Hoopla! My favorite brick-and-mortar gift store in Altadena now has pro-Ukrainian and anti-Putin merch. They have a card that says, “(Expletive) Putin! Also… Happy Birthday!” It’s just what I needed, as Ukraine is on my mind and in my heart from when I wake up until I fall asleep. I, like many of you, feel helpless. Besides sending money, what can we do? How about being distracted by the craziness in our own country — insanity that boggles one’s mind? That should work.

Because it’s Women’s History Month, witness the history-making exchanges between brilliant, trailblazing, and pride of intellectual women everywhere, Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson vs. Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tennessee), a dimwit, nincompoop and card-carrying dumb blonde. 

“Oh, but Ellen, I thought you were a feminist! How can you call another woman a dumb blonde?” Easy. I have authority since I’ve been a blonde all my life, and I come from a proud tradition of Norwegian American humor where male blondes are way more asinine than females. In my view, the term “dumb blonde” is gender neutral.

Seriously, I’m amazed that Sen. Blackburn can even read. Sadly, there’s a dark and malicious side to this Republican tool: She’s a member of the C Street Family. If you don’t know who they are, watch the Netflix documentary series “The Family,” which shows their planned destruction of democracy in favor of the United States becoming a Christian Theocracy. It should scare the bejesus out of you or, in “The Family’s” case, the C-Jesus. They are in love with the idea of Jesus as a wolf and not a gentle shepherd. They promote lying, stealing, and seizing political power by any means, at any cost. Maybe Marsha is dumb like a wolf.

Pivoting away from politics and over to the dumb blondes of film criticism, the “What century are we living in?” award goes to CinemaBlend’s Sean O’Connell. Blinded by his own white privilege, Sean’s review of the new Disney animated feature “Turning Red” revealed his racism, sexism and stupidity — jackpot! CinemaBlend removed the review a few days later, but its foul stench remains. Does anything ever really die on the internet? Nope.

In part, it read, “I recognized the humor in the film, but connected with none of it. By rooting the film specifically in the Asian community of Toronto, the film legitimately feels like it was made for (director) Domee Shi’s friends and immediate family members. Which is fine — but also, a tad limiting in its scope.” OMG… where to even start? Using Sean’s logic, I should not be able to relate to anything other than movies about middle-aged white women. Does that mean he can’t relate to movies about war because he’s never been in one, so the war film would be “limited in scope”? My advice: Be very careful when reading his reviews, as his mental capacity is also extremely limited.

Now, over to the dumb blondes at Chrysler. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall as Chrysler’s lame-brain trust decided that the notoriously defective Pacifica — a hybrid family minivan — didn’t warrant a recall effort.

“With all due respect,” Mr. or Ms. Chrysler exec says, “I don’t think vehicles that spontaneously explode should have anything more than a ‘be vigilant’ sticker on the window. Most people can run pretty fast anyway.” 

I’m happy to report there are no dumb blondes at Consumer Watchdog. Their PR headline: “Class action lawsuit filed against Chrysler for defect causing unexplained explosion and fire in Pacifica Hybrids.” Subhead: “Chrysler advises owners of 16,000 minivans their vehicles are potential ticking bombs that should not be charged, parked near other cars or structures.”

Full disclosure: I have been a board member of Consumer Watchdog for more than 30 years. We are a small but mighty consumer advocacy group of lawyers and laypeople committed to holding large companies accountable for indecent behavior, damage and death they cause.

“I purchased a Pacifica in 2018 to safely transport my disabled son, Steven. Now I basically have a ticking car bomb that Chrysler is not taking back, one which Chrysler tells me not to charge and not to park near other cars and not to park near my home or any other structure. This is crazy! I filed suit because Chrysler needs to take responsibility for their unsafe minivans today — not next week, not a month from now, today. It is a matter of public safety.” — Plaintiff Scott A. Olsen of Chula Vista, board member Consumer Watchdog. In product liability torts, criminal chutzpah isn’t in the current list of negligence actions. The whole thing leaves me speechless.

As much as I would like to claim dumb blonde immunity here, I’m afraid I can’t. Major corporations, “The Family” and bigoted movie reviewers keep misbehaving because they both get away with it and profit from it. Arggh! Please, please, please… someone wake me up when this Upside Down, which is far weirder than the one in “Stranger Things,” has finally evaporated.


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